Final Chapter - mystery ends

Typical day at Hidden Lake



In November of 2008 I posted several photos and ended by using the following phrase:

"By the way, one of the guys in the photographs turned out to be the unexpected romance of my life - the one I never stopped loving. We never ended up together but we should have. Can you guess which one?"

Little did I know when I wrote that phrase that it would give way to speculation and cause the problem that it did. I thought for a while that I''d ignore it but then it made me angry and moved me to clear the air. And now? Now I'm not sure I care.

But it is what it is and it was what it was. And it was a good thing so I'll write about it. Those who don't like it don't have to read about it. Besides, for Pete's sake, it was thirty seven years ago. Do you really care after all this time?

But on with my story, sans apologies...I'm done with that.

Marilyn, Dee Dee and me drove to Hidden Lake like we did every afternoon that summer. I don't remember where Dee Dee headed off to but I know Marilyn went straight up to the top of the cliffs (not visible in the photo above). I stopped on my way up to visit with Sammy who was floating in an innertube next to the large slanted rock that everyone used to get in and out of the water. In the photo above you will notice a guy reclining on this rock. You will notice others sitting on the large rocks directly behind that rock.
Sammy, Marilyn and Tutor at the top of the cliffs.

When Sammy called out to me I went and sat myself down on the slanted rock next to Albert Tapia (I think, its been too long ago). Anyway as I sat there visiting with the guys there was a good looking young man leaning against the rock behind us. He inserted himself into the conversation in such a charming way that no offense was taken. He made very polite small talk with us and I can distinctly remember looking over my shoulder at him when he spoke. As I rose to join Marilyn at the top of the cliffs he asked me if I'd be at The Ranch later. I said I would and made my way on up the rise.

When I got to the top I asked who he was and Tutor told me it was a friend of his that had recently gotten out of the army and returned home. I am certain that I was at The Ranch that night because we were always at The Ranch but I can't tell you if I remember seeing him there although I know I must have. But I do know how things progressed.

He became Tutor's best friend that summer. He had a car, Tutor didn't. They were always together in his car. Tutor was dating Marilyn and she was always with me in my car. (Can you see this coming?) So it was only natural that with Tutor and Marilyn together constantly he and I were also thrown together in the same vehicle and situations.

He was so different from anyone I had ever known. He was charming and quiet and wise beyond his years but not beyond his experiences. In a time full of young egos he was shy and unassuming. He was Tutor's straight man just as I had always been Marilyn's.

We had plenty of time to talk..and talk...and talk .... while he readjusted to being home and I lamented my absent solider. He told me stories and made me laugh. He fed my mind and my spirit. It was all so innocent and wholesome and that's probably why neither of us saw it coming.

Then suddenly one day we just knew what was happening to us. In a time when sex was our generation's to use as freely as we wanted, we didn't. He and I had accidentally done what my dear grandmother had talked to me about all my life. We had taken the time to get to know each other and become friends. We found ourselves caring about each other on a level that had nothing to do with sex. We were falling in love -

Then after realizing we had strong feelings for each other we immediately knew we had a bigger problem. I was Kenny's girl and everyone knew it. He was best friends with Kenny's brother. It was so complicated and we knew it. We both had our own immature sense of loyalty so we did what we thought was right, we called it off.

We fell in love but never used the word. We didn't view ourselves as free to use it. But here's what that taught me. Just because you don't say it doesn't mean it's not real.

Which leads me to smile at the pettiness of most people, including me, and wondering just who we think we're kidding. We go around making declarations as though stating them made them instantly true. She is my girl. He is my husband. This place would have to close its doors without me. My child would never do that. And conversely we don't say things in hopes that they aren't true. I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm lost....I love you...

But TRUTH is its own force. It doesn't give a damn if we voice it or hide it. It is unmoved by our ego. It exists with or without us. It doesn't fade away or soften its blows. Its faithful to its intended design. It whispers our name in the dark and makes us look in the mirror.

I can't help but wonder how my life might have been changed if I had practiced TRUTH without fear. By the way, his name was David and he's the guy with the guitar in the photograph.