Fire and Rain by Sweet Baby James (Taylor)

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From the first time I heard this song I said it was "my song" . It defines me and explains the feeling of desperation that has been embedded in my chest since as far back as I can remember. Yes, even as a child I have had this urgent feeling that it would all be gone too soon. I can't be specific as to what I think I'm losing, I've always felt like I was losing it all. And what made it such a desperate feeling is that my life has been one magic moment after another. Even the bad times. They were so honest and packed with raw emotion.

As it turns out I was right. It is slipping away too fast. Loving family one by one, childhood friends, teenage lovers, my youthful marriage, a good husband and then a precious child, the passing years, my health ... my time..my time.

And at the risk of seeming to be contradicting myself, with one exception each loss has been replenished. The magic and emotion lives on and becomes more internal. Dana, my Dana, I share a love with this man that is dangerously passionate and crazy satisfying. My life with Dana, although tough, has been more than I could have dreamed. My sisters and I have the best relationship we have ever had. My friends are of such rare value that sometimes I can't believe my fortune.

Each day is wickedly hard. The loss of my son steals from me with each tick of the clock. My recent health problems mock me. My situation limits my ability to be where I need to be. But...

By nothing more and nothing less than the grace of God and the assurance of Jesus I am still here, still having love...crazy love, still laughing...still laughing. I do these things with the zeal of a warrior who refuses to be taken hostage to the grief and struggle. I refuse to give in...I want to see each of you one more time again...

"Won't you look down upon me Jesus, you gotta help me make a stand. You just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand, and I won't make it any other way..

Oh I've seen fire and I've seen rain. Seen sunny days that I thought would never end. Seen lonely times when I could not find a friend...but I always thought that I'd see you one more time again."

Through every stage of my life this song as been applicable...it defines me still.